Speis

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There are a lot of people out there who think that Christmas is a better festival than Halloween. How wrong they are. As if dressing up like the lesbian Powerpuff Girl and pinching men in the testicles somehow constitutes a waste of time.

But I say to these unbelievers, look closer and reflect on the good work that this Hollow Eve performs. Walk the streets of Dublin and its suburbs. Where are the rubber tyres, blood-stained baseball bats, old cars and tramps that usually clog our noble streets? Why, helpful street urchins have dragged them all back to their estates.

The bonfire is as much a part of the autumn cycle as falling leaves and old people freezing to death in rest homes. Think of the gleam of childish wonder in their eyes as they set fire to the 17 foot inferno they have so diligently constructed. Marvel at the simple innocence of the scene as cans of petrol arc through the air, before bursting apart in a disarming twinkle of blinding shrapnel. Hooded elves go from house to house, stuffing gifts through letterboxes, sometimes literally showering the houses of the elderly in an orgy of mirth and celebration.

These big-hearted lugs often involve household pets in the festivities, and there can hardly be a more cheering seasonal scent than a hearty lungful of scorched cat anus. Watch the little darlings dance a jig on the roof of your car as you huddle in the corner of your bedroom, wondering why ringing 999 only gets you a deafening blast of incredulous laughter.

Yes, this is the true season for being jolly.

Gutting articles is wicked.

Just sent off a piece to one of the college mags. It was a theatre review of an all-male production of Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale. I had already agreed to write the piece when I realised that I had no interest or aptitude for drama critiques. I was about five minutes away from sending this as my review when I decided I'd better not scare off the editor with my first piece.

One for posterity:

Overheard in the Abbey Theatre, 9/10/05:

1. What’s this one about?

2. Says here it’s called The Winter’s Tale. It’s about some king who lets jealousy over his wife tear his-

1. -quiet, it’s starting!

2. Suit yourself.

1. It’s a bit dark, isn’t it?

2. Must be one of them tragedies.

1. I like the costumes. Oh, who’s that woman? She looks like a man.

2. Em, it is a man. It’s an all-male production.

1. That’s a funny idea.

2. Well, that’s how they were originally performed in Shakespeare’s day.

1. I’ll say this for him, he’s not half-bad in those heels. Why’s that fella in his pyjamas playing with a doll?

2. That’s the king’s son. I think the puppets represent how the characters are at the whims of the gods.

1. That was good, wasn’t it? Very grim. Pretty short too, eh? Let’s go and have a choc ice.

2. Hang on, I don’t think it’s finished. Nobody’s leaving.

1. That’s strange. What else can they do? They’ve already killed half the cast.

2. Come on, the lights are going down. Let’s see what happens.

1. This is like a different play. It’s more like a comedy now. That man’s not wearing any clothes. And look at that one, he’s got leather trousers. Who are all these new characters?

2. Must have been drafted in to replace the dead ones.

1. Look, we’re back in that spooky castle again.

2. That’s better.

1. Wait, that bit didn’t make a lot of sense.

2. Well, to be honest, neither did the wild bear attack.

1. Oh, is it over this time?

2. Yeah, definitely. The lights are coming up.

1. Did you like it?

2. I did. You?

1. Yes, I thought the director used the atmospherics and symbolism of the first half to enhance the sense of impending doom, while giving the actors full freedom to inhabit their roles, in turn setting up the alteration in mood to the light pastoral comedy, which acted as a counterpoint to the gloom and tragedy of the first half, before neatly joining both moods to supply the audience with an upbeat ending, which in turn is undercut by the director to give an ambivalence to the characters’ happiness.

2. I liked the dancing. Come on, let’s get that choc ice.

I was really tempted. Next time, he says wistfully.

One of our classes sent us out onto the street to get the temperature of the public mood. People are surprisingly eager to talk about their lives. It all depends on how you approach them. People at bus stops, working in shops, eating, minding their kids are all good targets because they can't run away. Also, if you say you want to ask them about the Government they'll usually get bored and wander off. However, if you can get them to talk about the issues that affect them, I think you'll get a better response.

Anyway, here's what I got:

Dáil Vox Pops

The more things change, the more they change the same. That was the message on Dublin’s streets this afternoon. Healthcare, education, crime and the cost of the living were the main gripes for citizens in the capital city of Europe’s second richest economy.

I stopped by a local chip shop and spoke to the owner while he served a steady stream of lunchtime customers.

He has worked on the same street for 25 years. It is “getting harder to run a business,” he said, adding “that’s only in the last year.”

Crime is a major concern. “The minister for justice has a lot to answer for”, he said. He believes the police force is doing a good job but “they arrest someone and they’re out the next day.” He suggested following the US’s example and introducing the “3-strike rule” or “lethal injection”.

He complained that the government “won’t pay the money for [crime prevention]” and that the worst social problems are located “between the courthouses and the hospitals.”

A customer eating some fried haddock chipped in. He recently attended Tallaght Hospital and was struck by the overcrowding. He complained that if you don’t have a medical card or health insurance you have to join a queue and “by the time you get to the top of the queue you’re dead”.

He works in retail, employing 400 people. He said that many of them are in their mid 20s and work night jobs in pubs and takeaway. “They don’t have lives”. Irish labour costs are high compared to the US and he feels that the gap between rich and poor is widening.

He referred to the ‘rip-off economy’, saying that people “don’t have the money” to spend, when the majority of their income is going on household bills which have “rocketed.”

This matches the latest IIB/ESRI Consumer Sentiment Index, which shows that customer confidence in Ireland has dropped to its lowest level since December 2003.

Childcare is a worry for parents. He explained that he was paying €6,000 a year for each of his children at a local Montessori. “That’s the going rate”, he concluded. The retail manager assured me that if the current government put money into childcare “they would clean up”.

His final analysis of the Government? “They’re the best of a bad lot. No one else to put in.”

As I was leaving I asked the chip shop owner what he liked about the government. His answer was blunt. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

I caught up with an office worker on Fade Street as he ate his lunch. He complained about the short breaks that employees are pressured into taking. Workers are legally entitled to an hour but often take far less. He also mentioned overtime, how he sometimes works for 12 hours in a day, only to be paid for 8.

He felt that the work environment was ‘taking after the US’, with people being treated as numbers rather than individuals. He said that prices were a rip off compared to other countries and that the Government should do more about health, taxes and inflation.

Robert Putnam of Harvard University was recently invited to speak at a Fianna Fáil parliamentary party meeting in Cavan. The professor warned that Ireland was already on the same road as the US and was in danger of losing what he termed its ‘social capital’, the benefits to individuals of strong community links.

I spoke to a businessman outside a boutique on Drury Street. He had a brighter outlook, saying that the government was doing a “good job”. He cited the economy and road network – the Motorway, the Western Route Way, Dublin Port Tunnel – as examples of improvements that the government has made.

However, in relation to education he questioned the relevancy of many third level qualifications, claiming that it produced old graduates who were in their mid-twenties by the time they entered the job market. In his business he saw many graduates who had higher diplomas, degrees and certificates but lacked experience of the real working world.

His wife added that the Leaving Certificate placed too much pressure on pupils. She felt that a system of continuous assessment coupled with interviews would be a better way of deciding college places. It would also help if class sizes were reduced in primary and secondary education.

In a recent poll of Irish voters only 35% felt that the quality of life improved in the past five years, against 41% who thought it stayed the same or got worse (25%).

People are angry but they don't don't want to do anything about it. Apathy and misplaced energy seem to be the biggest barriers.

Hats off to whoever came up with this idea. Mixing alcohol and nicotine is so blatantly irresponsible I'm surprised no one came up with it sooner. It's called Nicoshot and it's coming to Ireland. I'm sure it'll be a big hit, though personally I'll stick to flossing with barbed wire. I dunno, it just seems safer.